Statistics suggest that covers a large percentage of the populace.
Please, there’s no need to self-identify, because most who have suffered many things but don’t don’t hesitate to share what they still feel they haven’t completely dealt with.
The problem here is much of despair cannot readily be spoken about. It leaves the frequent person feeling uncomfortable, aside from the fact that the grieving person does not need to expose themselves emotionally . It’s simpler in many ways to deny what is clearly evident; to keep moving forward.
The future can often stay clouded by it.
Another matter can be raised:
The initial loss event is not always
The most traumatic part of grief.
I know so many people who were not so much traumatised by their initial loss experience, but were actually traumatised more by how they were dealt with, whether it be the clichéd remarks from folks who should know better, or by a response or lack of reaction from people they’d come to trust.
Sometimes it’s the stress within the family environment which causes the family to implode. Things said in the heat of the moment, or perhaps something well intended but poorly communicated. Tenuous relationships become fractured because smaller more tolerable conflicts that happened in the past, but weren’t dealt with, show preexisting cracks inside the connection. Relational breakage occurs.
Whether it be the inner conflict
Of not being able to reconcile the reduction,
Or external conflicts due to misunderstandings,
And often a combination of them.
Add to this, conflict we could have with God –
That He could’allow’ something like this happen!
There’s a silence in grief that is deafening in its harrowing quietude. So many people suffer in silence. So many people cannot get the healing they could do with. And so many families continue on this winding road of dysfunction because truths of reality can’t be spoken of as truths of expertise.
Somehow there is grief, and quite a lot of it, that can’t be discussed or processed or expressed. Sometimes people would engage in counselling, but are put off by the price, whether it be financial or psychological or time or other.
My wife and I are presently preparing to present in a Silent Grief convention where the focus is on precisely this topic: the grief that is not generally spoken about. The grief we are expected to move on from. The kind of grief that doesn’t rate much of a mention because it’s so relatively common, or worse, because there’s deep shame attached to it.
It’s precious in our view
That we’ve had the experience
of losing Nathanael.
We never needed to lose him,
We truly saw God moves in many, many ways, not least by the prayers of the faithful, and also the testimony of our faith at the moment, even as we witnessed it in ourselves.
We found that God used Nathanael’s life,
Even though he never breathed outside the womb.
And yet, just like possible, I feel guilty for speaking about it too much, despite the fact that that hasn’t stopped me. I know some people will be thinking that.
But There’s no overriding drive in me to believe for the needs of this woman and man who need space for their voice; those who want to be heard; or simply those who want to be acknowledged:
We want to say, your despair matters.
That it is incredibly significant.
That you’re allowed to feel gutted,
And, that you’re allowed to feel recovered.
We never need to suffer in silence, but inevitably we do, because this world thrives on success stories and does not appear to like stories with a bad ending. There’s an exception to this, of course, once the bad ending can be redeemed. And that’s the reason grief needs to be a subject we can talk about, because processing our despair is the way to redeem what God has for us because we’ve suffered.
There are no wrong or right ways for managing the truth in our despair.
The grieving person needs to hear it is normal to grieve, just as it is normal for the sting of loss can not completely reduce, and that it takes guts to find open emotionally.
They must also hear that there’s hope beyond the intensity and immensity of despair; that loss is an essential component of the growth procedure.
Grief so silent,
As if we do not care,
give it a voice,
Make room to share.
as to give it a voice,
Reveals God’s grace,
That gives us a choice.